| Thursday, March 24, 2005 |
| San ba Nakakabili ng Spark (from Peyups.com) |
Contributed by noringai (Edited by blue_kuko)
Monday, March 21, 2005 @ 02:33:09 PM
Iyan ang tanong sa akin ni Lhen, isang kaibigan. May umaaligid daw kasi sa kanya na
matinong lalake, kaya lang, wala siyang maramdamang spark. Kaya nagtatanong siya kung
saan nakakabili ng spark.
Hindi ko alam ang sagot. Kung alam ko lang, eh di sana matagal na akong pumila para
mamakyaw. Kailangan ko rin ng spark. Maraming-maraming spark.
Ano ba ang spark? Ito iyong kuryente na nararamdaman mo kapag kasama mo ang isang tao.
Iyong nanlalambot ang tuhod mo. Iyong parang nauutal ka at ayaw gumana ng motor skills
mo. Iyong kahit na anong gawin at sabihin niya, o kahit wala siyang ginagawa o sinasabi, kinikilig ka na. Kung hindi mo naman siya kasama, nangingiti ka kapag naiisip mo siya.
Ang tawag dun? spark. Magic. Kilig. Kuryente.
At iyon din ang hinahanap ko ngayon.
May isang lalaking may gusto sa akin. Mabait siya. May hitsura. Matino. Stable. Mature.
May napatunayan na sa buhay. Maalalahanin. May konting sense of humor. At alam ko,
aalagaan niya ako.
Siya iyong lalaking iuuwi mo sa nanay mo at alam mong magiging mabuting asawa at tatay
ng mga anak mo.
Pero wala akong maramdamang "kilig." Walang magic.
Lagi kong sinasabi, "He's a 'good on paper' guy, pero walang spark. Kahit kiskisan ko
man ng bato? wala talaga!"
Sabi ng mga kaibigan ko, hindi na daw importante ang spark. Hindi daw ito tiket para sa
isang masaya at tumatagal na relasyon. Maraming factors ang dapat i-consider, hindi lang
spark?
Aanhin mo ang spark kung lagi naman kayong nag-aaway? Aanhin mo ang spark kung hindi
naman kayo nagkakasundo sa mga bagay-bagay? Kung hindi naman siya puwedeng mag-commit?
Kung alam mo naman na masama siya para sa iyo?
Noong huling usap namin ni Lhen, sabi niya, baka daw bigyan na niya ng chance iyong
manliligaw niya, kahit wala siyang maramdamang spark.
Pati tuloy ako, napapaisip na rin? Itutuloy ko ba kahit na walang spark? Magiging masaya
kaya kami, kahit na hindi ako kinikilig sa kanya? Importante ba talaga ang "magic" sa
isang relasyon?
"Baka naman nasa atin lang ang problema," dagdag ni Lhen.
Mali nga ba ako kung maghanap man ako ng spark sa isang relasyon? Pang teenager na nga
lang ba iyong "nanlalambot ang tuhod" chuva at kapag nasa 20s ka na ay nakakasuka na ang
humangad ng kilig?
Siguro nga masyado na akong matanda para maghanap ng lalaking magbibigay sa akin ng
"kilig" dahil hindi naman kami mabubusog doon at hindi rin puwedeng pambayad ng tuition
ng magiging anak namin ang spark.
But I am also old enough to know what I want in a guy? and having that "kilig" feeling
is one of them. At para sa akin, ang pakikipag-relasyon sa isang taong walang spark, ay
maitutumbas na rin sa pagse-settle.
At ayokong mag-settle.
Pero di ako nawawalan ng pag-asa. Malay mo ngayon, walang spark. Pero eventually, sa
tamang panahon, baka magka-spark na. Kung paano, hindi ko alam...
Meron kayang binebentang spark sa pinakamalapit na Mercury Drug o Mini-Stop? Saan nga ba
nakakabili ng spark? |
posted by subhuman @ 11:57 AM  |
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| Something spiritual |
It's holy week once again and it's timely that I write about something spiritual about the things that I'm currently going through. So expect a lot of preachy and serious tone with this blog.
My current experience at work taught me a lot of things. Although I often whine about how hard my job is and about my career growth, I still think that God has a reason for doing this. And now I'm starting to understand why.
My onshore experience was a very good thing that happened. I lived in a world that is away from my responsilbilities, obligations and the harsh realities of living in Manila. It was an artificial world where all the people cared about are shopping, the next out of town trips, and the next gimmick. Work-wise, I got more appreciation from my colleagues with the little things that I used to do while I'm working in Manila. It was through that experience where I thought I became mature career-wise and socially-wise and my views become optimistic and unrealistic.
When I came back to Manila, I thought I had it all. I was optimistic that I would get the promotion that I think deserve. But I did not. I was too depressed and really got angry about it. I got mad at the management. I blamed the people around me. Just 3 months after I arrived, I became a pessimist and a whiner.
Since my boss knows about my sentiments about my promotion, he gave me this big requirement for me to drive it. The challenging part about it is that my team lead is in Phoenix so I have to do 2 major roles during Manila time. I became obsessed about it, determined to make it and to prove everyone that I should have been promoted.
The most difficult phase of the project came in and everything is really difficult to handle. The pressure is too much that is really hard to bear. I usually cry at night when no one is looking because of this. I asked myself up to what point do I have to endure this. Is it worth it for me all of this hardships even if I receive a measly amount of salary? The temptation for me to seek greener pastures in order for me to avoid this crap so why do I still continue to do this?
Because of these hardships, I turned to God for help and asked Him why does He allow these things to happen to me. My communication with God become more regular because of this. I often pray at morning and at night. I read a spiritual book which helped me put things in perspective. I guess this is one way of God reminding me that through hardships that I seek His aid.
I learned that I should see my job as a vocation and not just something that would give me money. With all the hardships that I have to endure, I pray everyday that God would give me strength and to be inspired by Jesus when He had to experience that pain for crucifixion. I also pray that to become more patient in dealing with others and to learn to forgive. I think God has never left me. I became senstitive with the people around me because I believe God uses them as instruments to send His message. I just need to listen to them and use it. And it did help for me to cope with this.
So what did I learn from this experience? Trust Him. With this experience, I became a more mature person. Before I used to pray to God to let things happen like for me to pass the exam, to have my visa approved, etc. But now what I pray is for God to prepare me to all His plans and to give me the strength and the other traits that I need with this journey called life. I just hope that I could retain this attitude all through my life =) |
| posted by subhuman @ 10:57 AM |
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| Sunday, March 20, 2005 |
| Wala lang |
Yesterday I went to UST to attend Anne's wedding. Unfortunately, Rizza was not there (I don't think she was invited which is sad since we spent 12 years together). It's nice to be back after 3 years which prompted to reminisce my 4 memorable years in college. I'm glad to see my old dormitory all re-furnished and re-opened. When I graduated, the management decided to shut the dorm because it fails to meet the safety standards. As a matter of fact, we almost got caught in fire and it's a good thing that it was prevented. I'm not mood to write about my college days so I have to defer it to another blog.
The wedding is an intimate occasion since most of the invitees are Anne's close friends and relatives. I did not go to the wedding reception because I have another reception to attend to.. a baptismal reception for Lily Ann. I am chosen as a godmother to Ahren Luis, an adorable baby boy. He is soo cute that i predict that he will become a heartthrob when he grows up. So I played a fairy godmother yesterday and wished Ahren for him to have a career in showbiz because of being blessed with such good looks. I hope that he will become a good boy and he will have a bright future ahead of him.
Last night, I was wondering about a thing called spark. Well, its weird that some people would say 'bagay kayo' with someone you dont see as a potential boyfriend. And others would stop dating a guy because she doesn't feel a spark even if the guy is so good. So is it really important? To all readers out there, please enlighten me |
| posted by subhuman @ 3:26 PM |
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| Puppy Love |
Since I've mentioned about my first love and I want to find out who among my friends reads my blog, I will write a blog about him. But in case my friends read this, I will not mention his name to escape from being ridiculed since I'm not the mushy type of person. As a matter of fact, I hate senti songs.
Since we're of the same height, we became seatmates and he's always been my dance partner for school presentations. Our parents were also good friends which does not limit our interaction within school. Since we're dance partners, our parents always took pictures of us together (which are really embarrasing and awkward if I get caught having those types of pictures today at my age.. buti na lang bata pa ako noon.). I guess proximity was the key. I knew I had a crush on him when I was 9 but I denied it to myself because I don't think that a nine-year-old girl would feel that way for her classmate. He's done the opposite, he's been expressive with his admiration to our classmates. Where we got was up to that point only (admitting to our friends that we like each other and not directly to each other) and we felt awkward to one another that we stopped talking. Dala ng pagkabata siguro. That wen't on I think for one year. MU na kami.
When we reached fifth grade, he courted a sixth grade girl in our school. Was I hurt? Yes but I can't be mad at him I never spoke to him for a year. But I wondered what would have happened if I told him what i felt during that time. Had we become a couple? We'll never know. But at least he never fails to mention that I'm his first love. Yun na lang ang edge ko sa first GF nya.
Years passed and we moved on with our lives. Along with time, the feeling also faded. So how is he doing now? I don't know. He was a rebellious and troubled teenager which is the opposite of what I was when I'm in high school. No one knows what could have happened if we dated during that time. Maybe I could be a good influence to him or he was a bad influence to me. I haven't seen him in a long time and I have no news about him. I passed the opportunity to see him when I did not attend his sister's debut party early this year. So what will happen if ever our paths cross? I don't know. Maybe I'll say hi, not because of the past but because I'm old and mature to deal with the past. |
| posted by subhuman @ 3:24 PM |
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| Rain |
Most of the people associate rain for gloomy, sad moments in life. I feel otherwise. I like the sound of rain falling on the roof. I like to watch the rain as it pours. I know I will have a good sleep when it's raining really hard. And when the rain the too strong, classes are suspended and there's a reason not to go to work. This is the time when I get to bond with my family and friends. My mom would cook a good hot meal and the family would share stories over lunch or merienda. And everyone will have a good siesta.
Another unforgettable rainy exeperience that I love was way back in college when it rained non-stop for four days and I was in the dormitory. Our food supplied replenished and we can't go outside because of the flood. I will never forget when we had a jamming session and Kitchie was playing the guitar. Another activity that we did was to observe the people outside and how they struggle to pass the dirty flood. There's one couple from, where the woman does not want to pass the flood so her boyfriend had to carry her while he walks on that dirty, contaminated, black, knee-deep water in the streets of Dapitan. Aww..
Speaking of kilig stories under the rain, I have one too. Love hit me at a young age of 10 (my friends don't know that and I'll find out who among my friends reads my blog because of this revelation hehe). At that time, we had an activity at school on a Saturday afternoon and on my way home, it started to rain. Fortunately, I brought my red polka dot umbrella so I did not get wet. The distance from my school to my house is about 2 KM and I can't remember why I walked instead of taking a tricycle (it's a good thing that I didn't or else I'm not writing this story). Anyway, for the kilig part, I saw the object of my affection soaking wet due to rain and needless to say, we shared my umbrella. Although we did not say any word (during that time we're in an awkward stage), it was a bliss for me.
When I left for Phoenix, I miss the rain terribly. There was a time when it rained around March (about a year ago) but its not as strong as the one that I experience here in Manila. So I missed the sound of the rain hitting the roof. With this exeperience, it made me realize that I love it and I appreciate the good memories that rain brought in my life. I think rain is also a way of God of telling most people (including me) to take a break from the the daily pressure that we experience and spend time with the people around us. And I thank Him for doing that.
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| posted by subhuman @ 3:22 PM |
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| Sunday, March 13, 2005 |
| It sucks to be me (my Broadway wishlist) |
I've been fascinated with the Avenue Q soundtrack that I listened to it everyday. For those who doesn't know about it, Avenue Q is an award winning Broadway musical that tells the story of a group of people who struggle with their life in New York and lives in an apartment complex known as Avenue Q. Most of the characters are puppets and the stage is set as if you're watching Sesame Street. The songs are bouncy as well but the play deals with adult subject such as racism and Internet pornography. The play is full of angst and sarcasm which is why this play is a hit for people in their 20s. Too bad, I was not able to watch this play last year =( My favorite song in the soundtrack is 'It sucks to be me'
Another musical that's in my list is Wicked. It's a prequel of the Wizard of Oz and tells the story behind Elphiba, also known as the Wicked Witch of the West, on why she became a rebel against the wizard. It's kinda like the Star Wars which explained the fall of Anakin Skywalker. The actress who first played Elphiba won the Tony award for Best Actress has a very powerful voice but unfortunately, she's no longer with the current production. I heard that the one who replaced her does not have that powerful voice. So I couldn't imagine how she would sing 'Defying Gravity' if Idelle (the original Elphiba) is no longer in the production.
Speaking of Oz, my biggest frustration was not watching 'The Boy from Oz' with Hugh Jackman. The main reason why I really wanted to watch that is because I have this huge, huge crush on Hugh. Watching the play means a lot to me. Unfortunately, TKTS did not sell tickets for that show when I went there =(
The last musicale that's in my list is of course, Mamma Mia. My friends highly recommended it since its fun. It tells the story of an engaged woman who's searching for her dad. The songs used in this musical are the songs from Abba which I think one of the reasons why this musical become a hit. This musical had an Asian tour last year and unfortunately, the Philippines was not included in the tour.
But even though I was not able to watch these musicals, I'm still fortunate that I had an experienced watching a Broadway musical. I had a chance to watch Chicago with my cousin. We were lucky to be seated in the middle of the fifth row. I'm still thankful for that. The other plays that I wanted to watch (but not that eager) are the Lion King, Rent, Fame, Beauty and the Beast (good thing they'll be showing that here in Manila!) and Aida. That's one of the reasons why I love New York. Haay, wish ko lang sana ma-onshore ulit ako so that I could go there. And when I do, I'll watch all the musicals. |
| posted by subhuman @ 10:07 PM |
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| Everybody's Changing |
Last week, I received an invitation from Anne. She's getting married next week at the UST Chapel. I sent Rizza a text immediately immediately and told her about the news. Rizza asked me if Anne's pregnant which is the reason why she told us about the wedding on a very short notice. I doubt about it since in UST, I believe that the reservation must be made 6 months prior the wedding date.
Rizza, Anne and I grew up together. We're not just magkababata. The bond among us was really close that we were inseperable as kids, to the extent that we would take our siesta together at Rizza's house. My friendship with them contributed a lot to my happy childhood.
On that same day, I got another message from Lily Ann, my high school friend. She informed me that I'm chosen as one of the ninangs of her son, Ahren Luis (which is a very adorable baby). The baptism will be held on the same day as Anne's wedding but at a later time. Unfortunately, I won't be able to attend the baptismal ceremony.
I treat age as a number and these events made me felt that I'm really getting older. But I'm not really bothered about it since most of my friends are still single and not yet committed as well so it does not bother me (yet) if I still don't have a boyfriend. This thing made me realize that I still have lots of things I wanted to accomplish before I settle down. I wanted to train in musical theater, go to graduate school, live independently just the way I had during my onshore assignment, go to Broadway and see all the musicals such as Mamma Mia, Avenue Q and Wicked (maybe on another onshore assignment, and explore the Philippines (whew!) O di ba? ndi pa talaga ako magmamadaling mag-asawa nyan. |
| posted by subhuman @ 9:27 PM |
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| Monday, March 07, 2005 |
| To perform or not to perform.. |
Last weekend, Arnel and I attended the musicale theater workshop sponsored by our company (as part of the total rewards package daw accdg to Beth Lui hehe). The facilitator is Rony Fortich, a theater actor who's in the cast of Rent in Singapore. He gave an overview on the history of musicales an taught us a song entitled Applause applause (though I dont know which play this song came from). I had a fun with that class that Arnel and I decided to watch the musicale "Little Shop of Horrors" at Onstage next week. I had fun with this workshop that I contemplated joining the Trumpets Playshop this summer. Kinarir ko na talaga.
Later that afternoon, I saw Ryan, a colleague who did not make it to the free workshop. I told him about the Trumpets Playshop to be conducted this summer and he's interested. When we called the office to inquire, we found out that the schedule of the workshop is at 7 - 9:30 PM during MWF. This workshop will be held during MWF from April to June. The project that I'm working on will have the System Test during this period.
Aargh! Malas talaga! I really wanted to attend this workshop. One of my regrets as a student was that I did not join a theater company. One of the things that I wanted to do (while I'm still single) is to try performing at a musicale. Kahit extra lang. And with the nature of my job, I think that this is a good diversion.
I'll just ask Ryan how the workshop was. If it's fun, then I will enroll next time. I just wish that I will not be working on a stressful requirement during that time. |
| posted by subhuman @ 1:18 PM |
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| Saturday, March 05, 2005 |
| Breakdown |
Two nights ago, I reached the peak of my stress level. The issues that I encountered during those days were soo dreadful. My manager discussed the status of our project and asked a lot of questions. I admit that. So he commented that I should "be more on top of things.."
That statement hit me really hard. I know it may not be his intention to hurt me but what he said really pissed me off. My current role requires me to be on top of the issues across all applications within our project. In addition to that, since my team lead is based in Phoenix, I have to fill her shoes in Manila. From what my boss said, it seems that I was not doing enough. Does he know what he's asking me to do is too much? I've sacrificed a lot for this project and he thinks its still not enough?
For the first time, after all the BAD things that happened in our project, I broke down. I was able to handle all pressure and all the awful things that we encountered. But knowing that I FAILED to meet someone's expectations when I know I've done my best really frustrates me. That night, I was so weak and I felt numb. I lost my drive to work.
The next day, my boss taught me how to handle the issues and how to catch up. 'Friends' na ulit kami. With the approach that he taught me, it made me put things in better perspective and it seems that everything is manageable. It just takes an event like this to clear my mind. |
| posted by subhuman @ 5:30 PM |
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| Thursday, March 03, 2005 |
| Commencement Speech to the Harvard Class of 2000 |
by Conan O'Brien
I'd like to thank the Class Marshals for inviting me here today. The last time I was invited to Harvard it cost me $110,000, so you'll forgive me if I'm a bit suspicious. I'd like to announce up front that I have one goal this afternoon: to be half as funny as tomorrow's Commencement Speaker, Moral Philosopher and Economist, Amartya Sen. Must get more laughs than seminal wage/price theoretician.Students of the Harvard Class of 2000, fifteen years ago I sat where you sit now and I thought exactly what you are now thinking: What's going to happen to me? Will I find my place in the world? Am I really graduating a virgin? I still have 24 hours and my roommate's Mom is hot. I swear she was checking me out. Being here today is very special for me. I miss this place. I especially miss Harvard Square - it's so unique. No where else in the world will you find a man with a turban wearing a Red Sox jacket and working in a lesbian bookstore. Hey, I'm just glad my dad's working.It's particularly sweet for me to be here today because when I graduated, I wanted very badly to be a Class Day Speaker. Unfortunately, my speech was rejected. So, if you'll indulge me, I'd like to read a portion of that speech from fifteen years ago: "Fellow students, as we sit here today listening to that classic Ah-ha tune which will definitely stand the test of time, I would like to make several predictions about what the future will hold: "I believe that one day a simple Governor from a small Southern state will rise to the highest office in the land. He will lack political skill, but will lead on the sheer strength of his moral authority." "I believe that Justice will prevail and, one day, the Berlin Wall will crumble, uniting East and West Berlin forever under Communist rule." "I believe that one day, a high speed network of interconnected computers will spring up world-wide, so enriching people that they will lose their interest in idle chit chat and pornography." "And finally, I believe that one day I will have a television show on a major network, seen by millions of people a night, which I will use to re-enact crimes and help catch at-large criminals." And then there's some stuff about the death of Wall Street which I don't think we need to get into....The point is that, although you see me as a celebrity, a member of the cultural elite, a kind of demigod, I was actually a student here once much like you. I came here in the fall of 1981 and lived in Holworthy. I was, without exaggeration, the ugliest picture in the Freshman Face book. When Harvard asked me for a picture the previous summer, I thought it was just for their records, so I literally jogged in the August heat to a passport photo office and sat for a morgue photo. To make matters worse, when the Face Book came out they put my picture next to Catherine Oxenberg, a stunning blonde actress who was accepted to the class of '85 but decided to defer admission so she could join the cast of "Dynasty." My photo would have looked bad on any page, but next to Catherine Oxenberg, I looked like a mackerel that had been in a car accident. You see, in those days I was six feet four inches tall and I weighed 150 pounds. Recently, I had some structural engineers run those numbers into a computer model and, according to the computer, I collapsed in 1987, killing hundreds in Taiwan.After freshman year I moved to Mather House. Mather House, incidentally, was designed by the same firm that built Hitler's bunker. In fact, if Hitler had conducted the war from Mather House, he'd have shot himself a year earlier. 1985 seems like a long time ago now. When I had my Class Day, you students would have been seven years old. Seven years old. Do you know what that means? Back then I could have beaten any of you in a fight. And I mean bad. It would be no contest. If any one here has a time machine, seriously, let's get it on, I will whip your seven year old butt. When I was here, they sold diapers at the Coop that said "Harvard Class of 2000." At the time, it was kind of a joke, but now I realize you wore those diapers. How embarrassing for you. A lot has happened in fifteen years. When you think about it, we come from completely different worlds. When I graduated, we watched movies starring Tom Cruise and listened to music by Madonna. I come from a time when we huddled around our TV sets and watched "The Cosby Show" on NBC, never imagining that there would one day be a show called "Cosby" on CBS. In 1985 we drove cars with driver's side airbags, but if you told us that one day there'd be passenger side airbags, we'd have burned you for witchcraft.But of course, I think there is some common ground between us. I remember well the great uncertainty of this day. Many of you are justifiably nervous about leaving the safe, comfortable world of Harvard Yard and hurling yourself headlong into the cold, harsh world of Harvard Grad School, a plum job at your father's firm, or a year abroad with a gold Amex card and then a plum job in your father's firm. But let me assure you that the knowledge you've gained here at Harvard is a precious gift that will never leave you. Take it from me, your education is yours to keep forever. Why, many of you have read the Merchant of Florence, and that will inspire you when you travel to the island of Spain. Your knowledge of that problem they had with those people in Russia, or that guy in South America-you know, that guy-will enrich you for the rest of your life.There is also sadness today, a feeling of loss that you're leaving Harvard forever. Well, let me assure you that you never really leave Harvard. The Harvard Fundraising Committee will be on your ass until the day you die. Right now, a member of the Alumni Association is at the Mt. Auburn Cemetery shaking down the corpse of Henry Adams. They heard he had a brass toe ring and they aims to get it. Imagine: These people just raised 2.5 billion dollars and they only got through the B's in the alumni directory. Here's how it works. Your phone rings, usually after a big meal when you're tired and most vulnerable. A voice asks you for money. Knowing they just raised 2.5 billion dollars you ask, "What do you need it for?" Then there's a long pause and the voice on the other end of the line says, "We don't need it, we just want it." It's chilling.What else can you expect? Let me see, by your applause, who here wrote a thesis. (APPLAUSE) A lot of hard work, a lot of your blood went into that thesis... and no one is ever going to care. I wrote a thesis: Literary Progeria in the works of Flannery O'Connor and William Faulkner. Let's just say that, during my discussions with Pauly Shore, it doesn't come up much. For three years after graduation I kept my thesis in the glove compartment of my car so I could show it to a policeman in case I was pulled over. (ACT OUT) License, registration, cultural exploration of the Man Child in the Sound and the Fury...So what can you expect out there in the real world? Let me tell you. As you leave these gates and re-enter society, one thing is certain: Everyone out there is going to hate you. Never tell anyone in a roadside diner that you went to Harvard. In most situations the correct response to where did you to school is, "School? Why, I never had much in the way of book larnin' and such." Then, get in your BMW and get the hell out of there.You see, you're in for a lifetime of "And you went to Harvard?" Accidentally give the wrong amount of change in a transaction and it's, "And you went to Harvard?" Ask the guy at the hardware store how these jumper cables work and hear, "And you went to Harvard?" Forget just once that your underwear goes inside your pants and it's "and you went to Harvard." Get your head stuck in your niece's dollhouse because you wanted to see what it was like to be a giant and it's "Uncle Conan, you went to Harvard!?"But to really know what's in store for you after Harvard, I have to tell you what happened to me after graduation. I'm going to tell you my story because, first of all, my perspective may give many of you hope, and, secondly, it's an amazing rush to stand in front of six thousand people and talk about yourself.After graduating in May, I moved to Los Angeles and got a three week contract at a small cable show. I got a $380 a month apartment and bought a 1977 Isuzu Opel, a car Isuzu only manufactured for a year because they found out that, technically, it's not a car. Here's a quick tip, graduates: no four cylinder vehicle should have a racing stripe. I worked at that show for over a year, feeling pretty good about myself, when one day they told me they were letting me go. I was fired and, I hadn't saved a lot of money. I tried to get another job in television but I couldn't find one.So, with nowhere else to turn, I went to a temp agency and filled out a questionnaire. I made damn sure they knew I had been to Harvard and that I expected the very best treatment. And so, the next day, I was sent to the Santa Monica branch of Wilson's House of Suede and Leather. When you have a Harvard degree and you're working at Wilson's House of Suede and Leather, you are haunted by the ghostly images of your classmates who chose Graduate School. You see their faces everywhere: in coffee cups, in fish tanks, and they're always laughing at you as you stack suede shirts no man, in good conscience, would ever wear. I tried a lot of things during this period: acting in corporate infomercials, serving drinks in a non-equity theatre, I even took a job entertaining at a seven year olds' birthday party. In desperate need of work, I put together some sketches and scored a job at the fledgling Fox Network as a writer and performer for a new show called "The Wilton North Report." I was finally on a network and really excited. The producer told me the show was going to revolutionize television. And, in a way, it did. The show was so hated and did so badly that when, four weeks later, news of its cancellation was announced to the Fox affiliates, they burst into applause.Eventually, though, I got a huge break. I had submitted, along with my writing partner, a batch of sketches to Saturday Night Live and, after a year and a half, they read it and gave us a two week tryout. The two weeks turned into two seasons and I felt successful. Successful enough to write a TV pilot for an original sitcom and, when the network decided to make it, I left Saturday Night Live. This TV show was going to be groundbreaking. It was going to resurrect the career of TV's Batman, Adam West. It was going to be a comedy without a laugh track or a studio audience. It was going to change all the rules. And here's what happened: When the pilot aired it was the second lowest-rated television show of all time. It's tied with a test pattern they show in Nova Scotia.So, I was 28 and, once again, I had no job. I had good writing credits in New York, but I was filled with disappointment and didn't know what to do next. I started smelling suede on my fingertips. And that's when The Simpsons saved me. I got a job there and started writing episodes about Springfield getting a Monorail and Homer going to College. I was finally putting my Harvard education to good use, writing dialogue for a man who's so stupid that in one episode he forgot to make his own heart beat. Life was good.And then, an insane, inexplicable opportunity came my way . A chance to audition for host of the new Late Night Show. I took the opportunity seriously but, at the same time, I had the relaxed confidence of someone who knew he had no real shot. I couldn't fear losing a great job I had never had. And, I think that attitude made the difference. I'll never forget being in the Simpson's recording basement that morning when the phone rang. It was for me. My car was blocking a fire lane. But a week later I got another call: I got the job.So, this was undeniably the it: the truly life-altering break I had always dreamed of. And, I went to work. I gathered all my funny friends and poured all my years of comedy experience into building that show over the summer, gathering the talent and figuring out the sensibility. We debuted on September 13, 1993 and I was happy with our effort. I felt like I had seized the moment and put my very best foot forward. And this is what the most respected and widely read television critic, Tom Shales, wrote in the Washington Post: "O'Brien is a living collage of annoying nervous habits. He giggles and titters, jiggles about and fiddles with his cuffs. He had dark, beady little eyes like a rabbit. He's one of the whitest white men ever. O'Brien is a switch on the guest who won't leave: he's the host who should never have come. Let the Late show with Conan O'Brien become the late, Late Show and may the host return to Conan O'Blivion whence he came." There's more but it gets kind of mean.Needless to say, I took a lot of criticism, some of it deserved, some of it excessive. And it hurt like you wouldn't believe. But I'm telling you all this for a reason. I've had a lot of success and I've had a lot of failure. I've looked good and I've looked bad. I've been praised and I've been criticized. But my mistakes have been necessary. Except for Wilson's House of Suede and Leather. That was just stupid.I've dwelled on my failures today because, as graduates of Harvard, your biggest liability is your need to succeed. Your need to always find yourself on the sweet side of the bell curve. Because success is a lot like a bright, white tuxedo. You feel terrific when you get it, but then you're desperately afraid of getting it dirty, of spoiling it in any way.I left the cocoon of Harvard, I left the cocoon of Saturday Night Live, I left the cocoon of The Simpsons. And each time it was bruising and tumultuous. And yet, every failure was freeing, and today I'm as nostalgic for the bad as I am for the good.So, that's what I wish for all of you: the bad as well as the good. Fall down, make a mess, break something occasionally. And remember that the story is never over. If it's all right, I'd like to read a little something from just this year: "Somehow, Conan O'Brien has transformed himself into the brightest star in the Late Night firmament. His comedy is the gold standard and Conan himself is not only the quickest and most inventive wit of his generation, but quite possible the greatest host ever."Ladies and Gentlemen, Class of 2000, I wrote that this morning, as proof that, when all else fails, there's always delusion.I'll go now, to make bigger mistakes and to embarrass this fine institution even more. But let me leave you with one last thought: If you can laugh at yourself loud and hard every time you fall, people will think you're drunk.Thank you. |
| posted by subhuman @ 3:22 PM |
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| Wednesday, March 02, 2005 |
| Buhay Single nga naman (from Peyupi.com) |
Bakit ba tuwing may "get2geder" ang mga tao, mapa-family reunion man or simpleng barkada gimik, ang unang tanong sayo ay "May boyfriend ka ba?" at bago ka pa maka-sagot ay maririnig mo naman ang "Bakett walaaaaaa??!" Hayyy, kelangan ba talagang may bitbit kang boylet sa mga occasions na ito? Pano kung wala talaga? Alanganamang maki-usap pa ako sa mga "close" guy friends ko para mag-panggap na "kami"?! Di naman ata tama yun, dee-bah? How I wish na sana mas maintindihan ng mga tao na sa mga panahon ngayon ay "accepted" na sa society na MEDYO made-delay ang pag-iisang dibdib ng mga kababaihan..especially girls like me who want to get into so many things all at the same time. I also wish that people would understand that OKAY LANG AKO and the rest of THE SAMAHANG MALAMIG ANG PASKO...Valentines day..Birthday..etc. I mean, we do get lonely once in a while..naiingit din dun sa may mga LOVELIFE... paminsan-minsan?kung minsan naman ay nagmumuni sa mga past kilig moments?but these lonely moments do not and will not make our "world" stop... Isipin nyo nalang, na kung wala kaming mga single friends nyo, eh di wala kayong paghihingaan ng sama ng loob tuwing nag-aaway kayo ng boylet or girlet nyo?wala rin kayong "instant date"kung sakaling nangailangan kayo?...wala rin kayong mahihila sa mall para maghanap ng magandang regalo for your better-half pag xmas...o kaya pag bday nya?at ang pinaka-mahalaga sa lahat, wala kayong KAKAMPI if things between you and your labidabs don't work out. Marami naman sa aming mga singles ay nakaranas na rin na "ma-in-love"..yun nga lang, obvious ba??????????it all didn't work out! Pero di naman kami "bitter" o galit sa mundo?and totoo nga nyan ehmas lumalalim ang kahulugan ng "love" para sa min. When you're all by yourself, there's more time to reflect and think what you really want it life. Mas naiisip mo kung ano ba talagaang makakapagbigay ng tunay na ligaya sayo...at mas naiisip mo kung pano matutupad ang lahat ng mga pangarap mo. And while reflecting, we also get to imagine that we will, one day....end up with someone who will share those dreams with us. Di naman sa nang-iinggit ako pero masaya rin ang buhay naming mga single... Biruin mo we can go out with anybody, anytime..that is. We can get into all kinds of things..like go to the gym regularly..or get into all kinds of sports...or any "Self-enhancement" programs, etc...Mejo tipid din ang buhay single kasi la naman kaming po-problemahin tuwing Valentines day or Christmas?o diba ang saya? Sa palagay ko naman ay lahat tayo ay may karapatang sumaya ke single man o attached ka. I guess may kanya-kanya lang tayong panahong lumigaya at Diyos lamang ang makapagsasabi...kung kelan nga dadating and oras na yon. So, para sa mga kasalukuyang "ATTACHED", I wish you all the luck and happiness. Should there be any problems, don't forget that your SINGLE friends Sa mga "bagong SINGLES" naman, wag nang magmukmok! Enjoy life....enjoy the single life!!! There are a lot of things that you will still discover. At tandaan mo, DI KA NAG-IISA!!!madami-dami tayo..hehehehe At dun naman sa kapwa kong mga SINGLES?I hope that we are one in believing that we long for someone NOT BECAUSE WE WANT TO BE HAPPYbut we long for someone because we want to share our happiness with that special person for the rest of our lives....
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| posted by subhuman @ 9:01 PM |
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passionate about music; an aspiring teacher; a frustrated mathematician; an explorer |
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