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Saturday, March 15, 2008

Searching my soul..

When I was in grade school, I was very religious and an active participant in most of the church activities - I was with the choir, a member of the Children of Mary, was picked as a lector during our baccalaureate mass and was often asked to become the prayer leader in our school activities. I was once voted as the COM member of the year because of the commitment that I've demonstrated. My parents were usually teased by their friends because they're afraid that I'll end up entering the convent to become a nun (yeah, seriously!).

When I reached my teenage years, my commitment faded. I tried to join the youth ministry but I felt that it did not give me the fulfillment I need spiritually so I slowly drifted away from the Church. I was dealing with my teenage angst back then. All the things that I learned became meaningless. I was battling with my demons. Eventually, I started to question the reason behind every ritual that was imposed on me. I no longer join my parents in praying the rosary and novenas. But I know that this should be normal as I started to grow up; every relationship experience the its own stage of doubts right and without that, its not a real relationship.

But as my journey in life progresses, I can say that I feel His presence in my life. Being away from my comfort zone taught me how to trust Him, and made my existence more meaningful. It may sound cliche but I think its true. He may let me experience some difficulties in life and I know that's the time when He wants to remind me of my relationship with Him.

Allow me to share with you the phrase that really struck me from the homily that I heard 2 Sundays ago. The priest mentioned that as young people, we continue to search for wisdom. And as we go through that journey, it will eventually lead us to Jesus Christ. His teachings serves as a link between reason and faith. This homily gave me hope that even though I don't go to the Church most of the time, it does not mean that I no longer give importance to my faith. I may not read the Bible most of the time but I know that God communicates through the people around me. But by doing this, have I become a good example as a Christian even though I don't go to the Church quite often?

And Christ answered my question. On my way home last weekend from my piano class, I met an exchange music student from Africa. I mentioned to him that I am a member of a choral group. He asked me if I am a Christian because choral groups are associated to Christianity. I said yes. And I realized that by doing what I really love, and enhancing the talent that He gave me, I became a living example of His teachings.

posted by subhuman @ 3:15 AM

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