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Thursday, March 24, 2005

Something spiritual

It's holy week once again and it's timely that I write about something spiritual about the things that I'm currently going through. So expect a lot of preachy and serious tone with this blog.

My current experience at work taught me a lot of things. Although I often whine about how hard my job is and about my career growth, I still think that God has a reason for doing this. And now I'm starting to understand why.

My onshore experience was a very good thing that happened. I lived in a world that is away from my responsilbilities, obligations and the harsh realities of living in Manila. It was an artificial world where all the people cared about are shopping, the next out of town trips, and the next gimmick. Work-wise, I got more appreciation from my colleagues with the little things that I used to do while I'm working in Manila. It was through that experience where I thought I became mature career-wise and socially-wise and my views become optimistic and unrealistic.

When I came back to Manila, I thought I had it all. I was optimistic that I would get the promotion that I think deserve. But I did not. I was too depressed and really got angry about it. I got mad at the management. I blamed the people around me. Just 3 months after I arrived, I became a pessimist and a whiner.

Since my boss knows about my sentiments about my promotion, he gave me this big requirement for me to drive it. The challenging part about it is that my team lead is in Phoenix so I have to do 2 major roles during Manila time. I became obsessed about it, determined to make it and to prove everyone that I should have been promoted.

The most difficult phase of the project came in and everything is really difficult to handle. The pressure is too much that is really hard to bear. I usually cry at night when no one is looking because of this. I asked myself up to what point do I have to endure this. Is it worth it for me all of this hardships even if I receive a measly amount of salary? The temptation for me to seek greener pastures in order for me to avoid this crap so why do I still continue to do this?

Because of these hardships, I turned to God for help and asked Him why does He allow these things to happen to me. My communication with God become more regular because of this. I often pray at morning and at night. I read a spiritual book which helped me put things in perspective. I guess this is one way of God reminding me that through hardships that I seek His aid.

I learned that I should see my job as a vocation and not just something that would give me money. With all the hardships that I have to endure, I pray everyday that God would give me strength and to be inspired by Jesus when He had to experience that pain for crucifixion. I also pray that to become more patient in dealing with others and to learn to forgive. I think God has never left me. I became senstitive with the people around me because I believe God uses them as instruments to send His message. I just need to listen to them and use it. And it did help for me to cope with this.

So what did I learn from this experience? Trust Him. With this experience, I became a more mature person. Before I used to pray to God to let things happen like for me to pass the exam, to have my visa approved, etc. But now what I pray is for God to prepare me to all His plans and to give me the strength and the other traits that I need with this journey called life. I just hope that I could retain this attitude all through my life =)

posted by subhuman @ 10:57 AM

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