| Monday, April 14, 2008 |
| Only Child Syndrome |
Here's an excerpt from this blog about from an only child:
"Everybody needs people but I have a stubborn independence that denies my need of help. It must stem from trying to console myself for the lack of company. I crave it, but it also threatens me. I don't want to need anybody. I don't want to depend on anybody. I just want to take care of my own. This causes me to shut people out, especially when I need them most. I am unwilling to become vulnerable to someone, because I don't want to give them the chance to hurt me."
Bulls eye. This blog stated what I feel most of the time. My ME time can be attributed to my only child syndrome. I'm always out to prove that I can stand on my own and I hate it when people pity on me
A lot of people envied me when they find out that I am an only child; I don't have to deal with sibling rivalry and I don't have to share my stuff with anyone, especially my parent's attention. Well they've only seen the bright side. What they haven't seen is that I had to deal with loneliness at such a young age - by playing with toys on my own; not being to talk to someone from the same viewpoint about my family. And I need to learn about people skills on a daily basis (and when I think I need to take a break, then I'll spend time by myself).
One of my struggles growing up is that since I'm used with the attention that my parents gave me, I found it difficult for me to accept the real world. I had my own struggles back then and its hard to tell about it without someone about my age giving me advise back then. This experience somehow made me realize that life is not a bed of roses. Maybe this is the reason why I would allow my friends to make their own mistakes and not to become protective because I know that I will deprive them about the things that they need to learn.
Since I'm an only child, I'm the only one that my parents can rely on to take care of them when they grow old. I don't see it as a responsibility; it's my way of giving them back and showing them what I've become because of them. And that would require for me to be really strong. This is the reason why I opted to be away in the meantime; to learn all the things that I need to know in life and to prepare myself for that. I don't have anyone to help me.
Another misconception about being an only child is that we're spoiled. Think again. If you've read what I just wrote, you will see where I'm coming from. Everything has its own advantage and disadvantage. I just hope that I was able to show the other side of the coin. |
posted by subhuman @ 12:15 AM  |
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| Thursday, April 10, 2008 |
| On Solitude.. once again |
Recently I prefer to spend most of my free time alone. I want to have my own plans and I don't want to depend on others. I know that many people may find it weird, especially with the Filipinos whose accustomed in having a companion most of the time. Sometimes, people might ask why I didn't invite them or certain individuals to accompany me. I know that I would encounter these type of questions; but I opt not to answer because I don't think that I have to explain them every action that I do.
Weird as it may sound, I feel free when I'm alone. I don't need to worry about someone else's welfare. I can do anything I want without thinking about the others. And I must say that most of the memorable experiences that I had started with me being alone - I went through my course and stayed in a dormitory without knowing anyone; I was on my own in my first flight going to the US and I didn't know my onshore mates personally; the same thing happened when I started working in my present job. I had my own misadventures as well and I'm proud to say that I was able to get through those things.
Let me remind you that I am not a loner; I have my friends and I know that they treasure me as much as I value them. The last thing that I want when people hear me doing things on my own is pity. Also, I hate it when people starts to become overprotective because I know that I can take care of myself (eventhough I have a childlike disposition) and I know when to ask for help. I know that they're only concern about me but the way I see it, they don't understand the benefits of solitude.
And just like what I've said earlier, I don't need to explain myself any further. |
| posted by subhuman @ 1:01 AM |
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| Restless state |
I don't know what's wrong with me. I felt uneasy and anxious (in other words, hindi mapakali). inspite of all the things that I've been doing - busy workload, weekly rehearsals (which means that I have to study our music sheets), sight singing classes, piano lessons, gym and my household chores (whew!). I don't know, all of a sudden, it just feels like monotonous to me.
Last week, my piano teacher Soo invited me to attend Cafe Immaculatte; a fund raising project to generate funds for the World Youth Day in our parish. Soo is one of the organizers of this event - an acoustic night with an open mic session. Since I had nothing to do that night, I asked Joy, one of my friends here, to come with me since we wanted to do an activity like this for such a long time. Anyway, we had a blast that night and we really enjoyed it :)
And I realized that I wanted to break the monotony that I feel right now. Yes, I am busy but sometimes, doing the same thing makes me feel uneasy. I feel trapped, mingling with the same people that I see in the office, hearing the same stories all over again. If I don't get my ME time anytime soon, I know that I'll become moody and I don't want the people around me to suffer because of that. I think I haven't reached out that much with my choir mates and my church community. Too bad I won't be able to join the Music Camp next month in Singapore which is a good opportunity for me to mingle with my choirmates.
Anyway, I know that this will soon pass. I just need to find my sanctuary. This is the reason why I'd rather spend my weekends alone or doing my own plans. I know I had this before. Maybe I just needed to try on some new things. Anyway, I know it will just happen at the right time. :)
Next week, I'll be on night support. This will definitely keep my mind off from what I feel. At least, I don't have to worry about it during that time. |
| posted by subhuman @ 12:10 AM |
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| Wednesday, April 09, 2008 |
| Falling into places |
Have you ever thought that when something happens in your life and its not something that you've planned, it could actually lead you to something; an event that is meant to have a significant impact to your life?
For example, a few years ago, I had no plans of working as an OFW. I was contented with my previous job; but when things did not turn out well in my career progression, I grabbed the first job offer that I received. Fortunately, it was a good opportunity for me to work abroad. My stint here in Malaysia had taught me a lot of things; which are necessary for me to learn the things in life that I need to know for the future, which pushed me to become a mature (hopefully) individual. Also, my experiences had taught me to love myself, to value my relationships (especially with my family) and to think about priorities in life. And I couldn't imagine myself if I could be the person that I am now if I went to another place.
The same thing goes in relationships. It may sound cliche but most people say that they don't things to happen and for love to come. Everything just fell into the right place and at the right time. I guess that's what the elderly would have to say when they found out that a 20-year-old person is still single: "Darating na lang yan!"
Anyway, wherever our journey leads us, I guess this is just a matter of faith to get through it. We should trust that everything that happens to us for a reason. And for that, we need to open and sensitive to all the lessons that we need to learn, or else, the same thing is bound to happen again |
| posted by subhuman @ 1:17 AM |
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| Thursday, April 03, 2008 |
| We will rock you |
Being a sucker for musicals, my friends Gilbert, Gen and Dru and I travelled all the way to Singapore to watch We will rock you the musical at the Esplanade. MiG Ayesa reprised his West End role as its male protagonist, Galileo Figaro.
We will rock you is a musical that paid tribute to the Queen's biggest hits such as Bohemian Rhapsody, We are the Champions and of course, We Will Rock you. I must admit that the plot is pretty shallow and I agree to what some reviews had pointed out that its weak. But I must say that the ensemble was excellent and the punchlines are funny. It was really entertaining. No wonder, most of the audience gave a standing ovation to the cast. Even though its actually a no-brainer, I enjoyed the show and I could say that the 5-hour travel that we did was all worth it. I highly recommend this show for those who just want to relax and just have a good time. |
| posted by subhuman @ 10:47 PM |
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| About Me |
passionate about music; an aspiring teacher; a frustrated mathematician; an explorer |
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