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Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Letting Go and Moving On..

Catchy title huh? No, I'm not referring to that love thingy.. I was talking to a friend earlier and she's having mixed emotions about moving out. Her apartment is special for her because it's her first apartment away from home and it brought her a lot of good memories and learning experiences. This reminded me of the previous experiences where I began to live independently and felt being an adult.

I've lived in 2 places that I considered special for me, the dormitory and our home in Phoenix. It was my first time to be away from home when I stayed in the dormitory. Given that I'm an only child, my social skills were put into test. I learned not to think only about myself but to become sensitive to others as well. It was a great experience for me because I found out what its like to have sisters like them - someone whom I can lean on in times of need. Of course, there were a lot of fun moments too - from our jamming sessions where Kitchie is playing the guitar and the times when we're stalking our campus crush (whoops!).

After 3 1/2 years of staying in the dormitory, it was hard leaving a place which I considered my second home. I remember that as I took my stuff from my dorm when I graduated, I had some mixed emotions about it - sad because I'm leaving a place full of great memories but at the same time, scared but nervous because I'll be starting to look for a job and pursue a career in IT. At that time, the dorm management have decided to close the dorm as it did not pass the safety standards because we were almost got burnt once. It was re-opened again but it was renovated so all the places that we used to hangout were removed :( Since we're all pursuing our chosen careers, my dormmates and I rarely see each other and I miss the bonding moments that we used to have.

The other instance where I had a blast was during onshore. It was a true test of independence - I am a thousand miles away from my parents, living in a new environment, drive my own car, have to do my household chores like cooking, ironing my clothes and sorting my things (fortunately we have a housekeeper to clean our apartment every 2 weeks) and I learned how to manage my finances. Also, I learned to really depend on others and build a healthy relationship with them since they serve as my family away from home. And of course, who can forget all the roadtrips that we have and all the bloopers that we have. I can compare our experience to Pinoy Big Brother except that we're not stuck inside a house and nobody watches our every move. The contestants (housemates) learned to rely on each other to survive and every experience may seem like a challenge, but eventually, in those challenges I found out a lot of things about myself. And of course, during eviction, its hard for everyone because someone is leaving a world that might not exists again (I hope I was able to express what I really wanted to say here) and go back to the real world once again. I cried as I boarded the plane in Phoenix going to LA because I'll be leaving my life there, but excited because I'll be with my family and friends again. A few months after our onshore assignment, most of my batchmates left the company for Singapore and for my remaining onshore batchmates, I didn't have the same closeness that I used to have way back when we were in Phoenix.

I was lucky to be given a chance to go onshore and it was indeed living in a dream - the American dream, too good to be true. A lot of my colleagues have requested to go back because the experience was so good, they wanted to experience it again. I have convinced myself that once should be enough and that I should learn to let go. If not, I'll be probably one of those people who's still waiting to be sent onshore, stuck in my old job and will miss a lot of career opportunities (and in life as well).

My experiences now here in Malaysia may not be as fun during onshore but I could say that I have learned a lot this time - doing the household chores, paying the bills, looking for an apartment, managing my finances (for real), adjusting to a new workplace and working with a very diverse culture.

I still don't know until when I'll be staying here in Malaysia but just like what I did in the past, I would treasure every minute that I spend and cherish the relationship that I've built because I wouldn't know if we're still that close in the future. I guess that would be the real test of our friendship. And once the time comes that it's time for me to move on, I'll just look forward and be thankful that I have built friendships and remember all the lessons that I learned.

So Gen, I wish you good luck on your new apartment. It maybe bittersweet for you to leave that apartment since its very special for you. But you can only move on once you let go of the past. =)

posted by subhuman @ 10:52 PM

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