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Sunday, January 07, 2007

On solitude

I am an introvert. I can attribute this with the fact that I am an only child. Most of the people who grew up as an only child were misunderstood. This is because most of them have a hard time expressing themselves.

As an only child, I dont have a playmate at home so I have to settle with the toys that I had and got used on playing alone. During work days, my parents usually leave me at home. There were times when we had no helper to keep me company and our neighbor could only check on me occasionally so I knew what it was like to be alone at the age of 9. Imagine how scared I was when I remember all the ghost stories my playmates told me but I learned how to deal with it eventually since I had no choice.

There was also an instance that at the age of 13, my parents had no choice but to meet me at Cubao. Cubao is not a safe place to begin with. I had to travel from Bulacan to Cubao all by myself and its a good thing that I have a good sense of direction and nothing bad happened to me.

These are some of the things that happened to me while growing up which made me become comfortable on being alone. I can go to a moviehouse all by myself if I dont have a friend to come with me (I usually watch independent or non-English foreign films). I can explore an unfamiliar place alone. I also find it easier to deal with myself rather than worry about other people. Since I'm comfortable on doing things on my own, I didn't worry that much if I started on my own when I moved to college, got my first job or went to my onshore assignment.

Don't get me wrong. I am not really a loner. I have lots of friends. But when it comes to making friends, I tend to be picky. I'd rather have a few friends whom I can maintain a long lasting relationship rather than have lots of acquaintances and build a meaningless relationship with them. I also find it hard to trust people as I believe that it would take time to build a friendship.

A lot of people may not understand why some people choose to be like this and feel sorry for these people. As a matter of fact, I don't think there's something wrong with being alone. Being alone allows me to reflect on things. So even though I'm surrounded with lots of people, I always make it a point to make time for myself.

Let me end this entry with a quote from Albert Einstein about solitude: “Solitude is painful when one is young, but delightful when one is more mature.”

posted by subhuman @ 10:47 PM

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