| Monday, October 01, 2007 |
| To love or be loved by Cherie Ann Lo |
Note: This article is published from the Philippine Daily Inquirer from the Youngblood section on Sept 25, 2007. I like this article so much that I have to post this in this blog. I hope that you'll enjoy reading as much as I did.
OUR TEACHER in philosophy once asked our class whether it is harder to love or to be loved. I did not have a clue on how to answer the question, but I took it to heart. After a few bottles of cheap wine and nights spent until dawn, the question gained contour. But instead of finding an answer, the first thing that came to my mind was another question: What is to love?
I am not entirely sure if what I have arrived at is true, given the limited experiences I have. The only thing I am sure of is that love entails some letting go. It is allowing the other to grow, to pursue his happiness even if that pursuit does not include my own. Love keeps one happy with the thought that the one you let go will be happy, even if it means being without him. As Marcel would put it, "To love anybody is to expect something from him, something which can neither be defined nor foreseen; it is at the same time in some way to make it possible for him to fulfill this expectation." In setting him free, the only expectation I can hold now is that he will be happy. But it is by letting go that I can give him the possibility of being happy.
Even without this other person, loving transforms life into living. Love puts action into life. Life is not life when lived in passivity. Life becomes dynamic when one loves. Love colors the boredom that the routine of life brings. Breathing is no longer just for the purpose of keeping the self alive, it becomes living for the loved one.
Is loving the same as having? It is not. If I claim ownership of someone, he will not be the same person I loved when he was not my possession. Owning something is the same as personalizing it. If an object is personalized, it loses its character. It becomes a reflection of the self. When this happens, then what I love is myself, not the other.
Having someone makes it so much harder to let him go. But if one just loves with respect for the other person, then letting go becomes less difficult. It will never be easy, because there will always be a desire to have that person. Maybe it's human nature to be greedy and to want what one loves. But in the course of having, love disappears.
So loving someone is hard. It seems to be having but it is not. It is a conscious action so that it is not allowed to turn into ownership. It is a giving in to one's very nature, to one's desire to want the best for the loved one. But at the same time, it also entails some control over one's natural impulse to own.
But what is it to be loved? I believe that being loved entails utmost patience. Being loved is an act based on the other person. It is hard in the sense that one cannot control how the other loves. It is like having a stranger hold one's hand. There is fear that this person will lead one to an unknown place. There is apprehension that it will into a grasp. What if he does not let go? The only thing that can loosen this grasp is time.
Patiently waiting for time to knock some sense into the other or the self is probably one of life's hardest tasks. Time stretches into infinity when one is holding on to someone even if it is not reciprocated. There is again this notion that one can have this person but the truth is, one can never have him or anyone else for that matter.
Is it not hard to know that a person does not love you the way you want him to? It is one of life's greatest tensions: the incongruence between how one is being loved and how one loves. To be loved is also hard because it involves acknowledging the possibility that one can never control how the other person loves. It involves an uncertainty which can condense into fear.
So which is harder between loving and being loved? I still haven't come to a conclusion. The intensity by which love impacts a person can make everything both easy and hard. To love someone makes it easier to live, but at the same time, life can be harder because that someone can never be owned. To be loved entails patience which forms character. But it also involves a fear, an uncertainty.
The more important question is, will love ever be easy? I want to believe it is, but life proves otherwise.
Cherie Ann Lo, 20, is a BS Psychology senior at the Ateneo de Manila University
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posted by subhuman @ 1:45 AM  |
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| 2 Comments: |
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The article "To love or to be Loved" is one of the modestly-written articles that i have read. it is written using simple words and yet it spells the thoughts of silent hearts. the article communicates effectively as it targets the emotions of people who love and who are being love. in a subtle way, the article, as a whole, defines love for those people who do not know it. i think cherie ann was able to articulate the meaning of love though she claims she doesn't know it... simple words for simple people who love greatly in simple situations...
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The article "To love or to be Loved" is one of the modestly-written articles that i have read. it is written using simple words and yet it spells the thoughts of silent hearts. the article communicates effectively as it targets the emotions of people who love and who are loved. in a subtle way, the article, as a whole, defines love for those people who do not know it. i think cherie ann was able to articulate the meaning of love though she claims she doesn't know it... simple words for simple people who love greatly in simple situations...
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The article "To love or to be Loved" is one of the modestly-written articles that i have read. it is written using simple words and yet it spells the thoughts of silent hearts. the article communicates effectively as it targets the emotions of people who love and who are being love. in a subtle way, the article, as a whole, defines love for those people who do not know it. i think cherie ann was able to articulate the meaning of love though she claims she doesn't know it... simple words for simple people who love greatly in simple situations...