| Saturday, September 15, 2007 |
| My paranoia.. |
It's been a while since I posted my 'real' entry. Well, a lot of things happened recently which made me think about some things.
A lot of things have been going on recently, many things were said and some of them are quite hurtful. It actually came to a point where I don't know what to believe and who to trust. I hate this feeling that of paranoia that every word that I say will be taken against me. I've been consumed with this feeling recently, it really makes me wanna puke and told myself that I really wanted a diversion.
I think the problem here was that wrong people were trusted. People whom I thought were not capable of doing things failed me, which caused me to have this betrayed feeling. What makes matters is that I'm starting to doubt the sincerity of some people and to think of the motive for every action done to me. And I really hate this feeling.
For me, it's really difficult to earn my trust. It is something that is gained after sometime, if I'm comfortable with the person and based on my character's judgement. I think that the best indicator that a person is trustworthy is when they respect you if you're not comfortable telling him/her.
The last time that I went to confession, the priest told me that the hardest thing to forgive is the anger caused by betrayal, especially that it comes with trust. It takes time to heal and to finally forgive.
Anyway, I hope I'll get over this feeling of paranoia. I really hate it. I think I'm trapped and I'm really suffocated. I badly need a diversion. |
posted by subhuman @ 12:04 PM  |
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| 1 Comments: |
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nice post. :) it's hard to go on with your life especially when you don't feel that everyone can be trusted. then you ask yourself what to do in situations when you need to face them and look them in the eye. in my case, it's hard for me to pretend but then, the sad reality is that i have too. i don't want to be caught in the middle of something again and be accused of a thing that i didn't do.
i just wish in time the uncertainty and distrust will soon fade and then we can learn to have faith in people again.
- Gen
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nice post. :) it's hard to go on with your life especially when you don't feel that everyone can be trusted. then you ask yourself what to do in situations when you need to face them and look them in the eye. in my case, it's hard for me to pretend but then, the sad reality is that i have too. i don't want to be caught in the middle of something again and be accused of a thing that i didn't do.
i just wish in time the uncertainty and distrust will soon fade and then we can learn to have faith in people again.
- Gen