When I heard the news that Auntie Luding (my mother's youngest sister) passed away, I didn't cry - I was shocked because I didn't expect that it would happen. Honestly, I was quite bothered with this kind of reaction. Have I become cold-hearted and detached now that I won't cry with the loss of a loved one? Maybe it was due to the fact that I'm a thousand miles away and I won't feel their grief.
We are a tight-knit family on my mother's side. We used to go to Cagayan during summer to celebrate the annual fiesta but that was when my grandparents were still alive. Every New Year, we have a reunion where each year, there's a different host among my mother's siblings. Everyone is expected to be present in that family affair. However, we did something different this year (or should I say last year) - we had our reunion last Christmas at Cagayan where Aunt Emie (my mother's eldest sister) played as the host. Usually, the reunion is celebrated in Manila but since my Manila-based relatives rarely go home in Cagayan, everyone thought it was a good opportunity to go there.
That was the last time when I saw Aunt Luding. Aunt Luding is the most caring among her siblings. We really feel her warmth and hospitality when we visit her home in Tuguegarao. Also, she never fails to give us longganisa (whom she sent to my parents when they went here in Malaysia), peanut candy or carabao milk candy everytime we go home for our pasalubong. She was like a mother to all of us. What I won't forget during our reunion was that she hugged me so tight (see the above picture) as she greeted me a Merry Christmas (and mentioned that I lost some weight hihihi). I took a picture while her arms was wrapped around me =P
If there's one thing that I'll always remember about her, its the fact that she's a great mom. She struggled a lot, just to make the ends meet and to ensure that her children, Mark and Suzette, will get a better future. Both of them are studying Nursing but Mark recently graduated and passed the board exams. She's the type of mother who will give everything to her children, to the point that she ignored her own health. She was earlier diagnosed with a heart problem.
On April 13, while sweeping her own yard, she collapsed and was brought to the hospital. She was placed in the ICU that night and became comatose on Saturday morning. That afternoon at 4 PM, she passed away.
The way I see it, she wants to fight so that she can witness her children as they reach for their dreams. But given her comatose state, she knew that she might become a burden and she does not want that. She knows that her children are on good hands with her siblings and that we will do our best to support them. This is why she decided to move on. Most of my relatives are sad because she won't be able to see when her children achieves their dreams, which is the most rewarding experience that any parent could have. She won't be there to receive her children's treat when they receive their first salary, when they will be treated for a vacation, and so on.
On Tuesday night, I spoke to Mark (who's like a younger brother to me due to our 3-year gap) and Suzette. I asked how their family is coping with this. Mark said that Uncle Dante (her husband) would just sit with a blank stare. They were all shocked - Mark just went to another hospital to submit his mother's blood for an exam, only to find out that she passed away when he got back. Suzette, who's very dependent on her mother, was also is shocked and it hasn't sunk in that she died. What's more painful is that she celebrated her 19th birthday that day. I didn't realize that a tear fell on my cheek as I spoke to my cousins, encouraging them to be strong, while I can't imagine myself in their situation.
Then it hit me. I didn't cry when I heard about Aunt Luding's demise because I know that she's in a good place right now - away from suffering and hardships. I felt my cousins' grief and the pain of losing a mother which is what brought me to tears. I realized that I was not numb after all. |
