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Monday, January 10, 2005

Outcast

I miss being a student. Gone were the days when all I have to worry about are my grades and what it takes to pass my subjects to move to the next level. Once I pass, I can take the next subject and move on with my life. I also miss those days where I can make a fun of myself without worrying if I’m not a good model to the younger ones. Most of all, I miss the friendship with the people who has been my companion as I struggle my way to get my diploma.

Living in a corporate world has been a harsh thing for me. First of all, I have to struggle with meeting the deadlines, pleasing my superiors and exposing myself just to make it to the next list of promotees. I thought that my effort to do what my boss asked me to do and staying at the office late just to deliver the products on time are enough to guarantee me a promotion. I was wrong. It was not as simple as that.

I got exposed to different types of people with different values and opinions. When I first joined our company, I was really quiet. My start group are nice people, but its just that I’m not comfortable being around them. They thought that I’m a quiet type of person which is totally the opposite of who I am. When I got rolled-in to our project, my teammates are cliquish. It’s really hard for me to get along with them because its seems that there’s no room for me. My team mates thought that I’m a shy and meek person who doesn’t get angry but I’m an outcast who can’t express herself.

I got so depressed and frustrated with this reality that I pushed myself to work. I would always text my old friends, wishing that at least it could bring back the fun that I had when I was in school. But I’m now living in a whole new world and it’s not the same as before. I taught myself to move on and learned to do things alone. It may sound pathetic but I think it’s a good thing to become independent.

When I was sent abroad for an onshore assignment, I became close to the people I never thought I would have since I graduated. We were like a big family. And when I got back, I have maintained my relationship with some of them but not all of them. Anyway, this experience helped me to become expressive to my colleagues.
Now, I eat lunch with my team mates. I may not know what’s going on with their personal lives but at least I’m not the quiet person anymore. At least, I can chat with them and I’m not the shy and meek person that they used to know.

posted by subhuman @ 2:54 PM

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